Twins to Nurture
This letter was taken from the wonderful Above Rubies magazine. Above Rubies is a magazine dedicated to strengthening families across the world, www.aboverubies.org. In addition, Anna has updated the information for us. The twins have been in their family for 14 months now.
Unaware of our fertility problems, our girls then 4 and 6 , constantly talked about having more children and prayed every night for babies and even twins if God would allow!
A little over a year ago we were sitting in church waiting for the worship service to begin. As my husband glanced at the bulletin, he noticed a small notation: “four year old twins need a couple to adopt—only serious minded couples inquire.” Rich showed me this and our hearts froze. We had never even remotely considered adopting older children. Nevertheless, we inquired about the twins. The boy had autism and developmental delays. I tend to take these labels with a grain of salt since I believe many children are labeled with “disorders” when really their need is for biblical parenting and just plain old love and attention. We said the we’d pray about it and let them know if we needed further information.
A few days later we contacted the friend in our church and said we were interested, but with some conditions. Before I could say what they were, she told me the children were being adopted by a couple in Utah. We prayed that their adjustment would go well and that God would raise them up to be testimonies of His grace.
Early one morning I got a call from our friend. “Are you still interested in the twins?” She had learned that the twins had gone with their new “parents” on the day planned, but they were returned after four hours! The mother had driven them to Social Services and put them in foster care ( they had been separated as well). They had been in foster care for nine days and Jon had not eaten. He was scheduled to be put on a feeding tube the next day if we did not come right then.
Later that day, unsolicited by me, we were told that the mother could get the children back into her custody from Social Services (amazing) and that the adoption agency would waive all fees if we decided to adopt. Also, a nearby church that never visited would pay for the air tickets for us to fly out and back, including the children. I could go with my pastor’s wife for six days and take care of the children in their birth home to determine if this could happen. This was all with the understanding that we may not even decide to take the children.
When I walked into the children’s home, the birth mother, social workers and the twins greeted me. Jessica looked like she’d been through a wringer twice. Jonathan, the second twin, was sitting on the couch with his father. As soon as I saw Jon, I knew that he was far more disabled than ever I imagined. He had cerebral palsy and autism!
“I can’t do this,” I thought. “Lord why would you lead me here to have me be the next one to forsake these children?” I greeted Jessica and suggested we give her a bath and get her ready for bed. She kicked and screamed, pleaded and cried. I spoke calmly with her and tried to engage her happily while still making her do what I asked. I kept a calm and happy demeanor but inside I was in turmoil.
Jessica was diagnosed with PDD, bipolar disorder, psychosis, mood disorder and ADHD. She was on Ritalin and Depokote for behavioral problems and sleep disorder. This child is easy I thought—no more medication and instead love discipline and structure. In two days Jessica was a different child. She is smart, loving and normal in every way. She has been very easy to train, is well behaved and is a delight.
Jonathan, however, was true to the evaluation. He had only recently learned to walk and the second night we were there, he ran from wall to wall in his room, crashing into it deliberately until he was bloody. He would bite his hands, poke his eyes, pound his ears and head and scream at incredible height. He did not look at us and never made eye contact. He became extremely distraught at the slightest provocation. He did not seem to understand anything I said. I wondered if he would ever be potty trained of if he would ever talk to us. After two days of letting him do “his thing”, I decided that it could no longer continue.
When he would get upset or throw things, I disciplined him, mainly by restraining him firmly. I would sing hymns. He would be so mad but eventually he would calm down and begin to rock with the music. I made him look at my eyes directly many times before letting him down and sometimes this would take over and hour. There were a few times that I spanked him and this initially made him crazy. He had never been spanked though his birth mother gave me permission to do this. I do feel, however, that the discipline was the key to our initial work with Jonathan. It has enabled him to flourish and begin the journey of making the most of his abilities.
He became a different child. It was as if someone said, “You can rest now. I love you. You have to do what I say and I will always keep the boundaries for you so you will be safe.” Within that first week, Jonathan had his last tantrums with me.
At the end of the week we brought the children home. The adoption process was underway with all involved in full agreement.
The days to follow were initially good, but after being home for a bout three weeks, things began to sink in. we had made much progress with Jonathan, but no break through in the area of speech. I became thoroughly overwhelmed. I was depressed and irritated. We had to somehow spiritually train these new children who knew nothing at all about their Creator. We were starting at ground level. Also the day-to-day things were piling up—four loads of laundry a day and tons of dishes. I felt like I was drowning.
Somewhere along the way I remembered that God had led us to this place. I had mothered two children by His grace, I could mother four (or twelve!) by His grace. My answer lay in trusting Christ. I must pray for their salvation (for after all, salvation is of God and not of flannel graphs and curriculum!). I saw that a lot of my worries and depression came out of a desire to perform this great work and have it look visibly good. When I repented of that, things began to happen.
It had been a few months of working through all this when I realized I was having a hard time bonding, feeling like the twins were mine. Amazing emotions and struggles can occur that one doesn't even expect! In the beginning I was not going to change their names because of their age. We were going to change their middle names, however, due to their being their birth parents names, etc. I did not like their first names but thought it would hurt them in some way to change them. Names mean a great deal in our family, and it is often that we end up on the subject. One day, before the finalization of the adoption, we were all sitting at the breakfast table, and our two daughters were talking about names. Jessica popped up to say that she was getting a new special “middle name” (which was going to be Jubilee). She asked about her first name and I told her that her first name came from the first home God gave her. Then our daughters chimed in asking, “Why can’t Jessica have a new SPECIAL first name too????” Jessica excitedly joined in the plea! I was thrilled. Just days before, I had sheepishly asked God about helping me not be soooo bugged by the twins’ birth names, that I did not get to name them (and other things). SO, I was pleased to tell Jessica sure… we’ll give you a new SPECIAL name because you are a Thorburn now… and in the Thorburn family all our children get special names! You can be Jubilee! (I then explained more about the meaning.) I asked her if she wanted to choose her middle name, and gave her some choices. She chose Joy… very fitting. Then Jonathan ( who cannot express what he thinks about the matter—he had not spoken at all yet at that point.) became Josiah James… because Josiah means “God is my healer” or “God is my support,” James for Rich’s father and because we were memorizing the book of James when we got the twins. They adjusted to their new names so well. Jubilee will politely correct someone if they call her “Jessica”. We have fun with it.
Recently we heard and excellent sermon that had woven the facts about the importance of names—CHANGES in the Bible, and such. I first changed their names for myself, but now I see the significance and appropriateness in this move. I have been working on special adoption books for each of the twins. One page in each is dedicated to celebrating their names with the meaning of them, and the CHALLENGE that goes with them… and how they got them, etc.
We also found some proven nutritional helps for Jonathan and began to see amazing changes in him right away.
We have found an excellent program through the A Hope And A Future program and Linda Kane, a neurodevelopmental specialist. We meet with Linda every 4 months for an evaluation and changes to the home program which we do with Josiah. This program is much more intense than the recommendations by the school districts and doctors… and has shown astounding results. It amounts to many more hours in a day than I have for this, but we do what we can do. Recently, God enabled us to hire a special lady we know to handle some of the therapy burden each week for Josiah. She is gifted and a blessing from God. In March 2000, Josiah uttered his first words that were not echolalia.
Just yesterday he said “I-Need-To-Go-Potty-Please” on his own! The sensory improvements and visual abilities, the motor awareness and control, the speech is far more than any doctor had expected was possible from this little boy.
Josiah is now such a joy. He will sit with us and laugh, playing games in his little way. He loves to learn and we love to teach him. God is using him to teach me about love and patience. There is no cookie cutter image that God uses for His glory. God is sovereign. The goal is not for Josiah to be “normal.” It is for Josiah to bring glory to the God who made him.
We are incredibly encouraged. God provides what we need each step of the way, within a Biblical framework. There is not one answer for treatment of every child. There are Biblical principles that we can all look to… amazing promises from God, and strength through Christ that can enable us to make the right decisions for our own children. God gives the grace to carry it out. He will get the glory in the end.
We have a long way to go. God has enabled us to accomplish much this year. But there are still adjustments to come. Due to the amazing trials that came with these kiddos we’ve been given a stark glimpse into our own sinful natures and desires and struggles with sins we had not thought were part of us prior to the adoption. It keeps us crying out to God and reflecting upon how faithful He is, in spite of us.
My heart is so incredibly full of love for my four precious children. They are all uniquely created.
Anna Thorburn, Petersburgh, NY
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Unaware of our fertility problems, our girls then 4 and 6 , constantly talked about having more children and prayed every night for babies and even twins if God would allow!
A little over a year ago we were sitting in church waiting for the worship service to begin. As my husband glanced at the bulletin, he noticed a small notation: “four year old twins need a couple to adopt—only serious minded couples inquire.” Rich showed me this and our hearts froze. We had never even remotely considered adopting older children. Nevertheless, we inquired about the twins. The boy had autism and developmental delays. I tend to take these labels with a grain of salt since I believe many children are labeled with “disorders” when really their need is for biblical parenting and just plain old love and attention. We said the we’d pray about it and let them know if we needed further information.
A few days later we contacted the friend in our church and said we were interested, but with some conditions. Before I could say what they were, she told me the children were being adopted by a couple in Utah. We prayed that their adjustment would go well and that God would raise them up to be testimonies of His grace.
Early one morning I got a call from our friend. “Are you still interested in the twins?” She had learned that the twins had gone with their new “parents” on the day planned, but they were returned after four hours! The mother had driven them to Social Services and put them in foster care ( they had been separated as well). They had been in foster care for nine days and Jon had not eaten. He was scheduled to be put on a feeding tube the next day if we did not come right then.
Later that day, unsolicited by me, we were told that the mother could get the children back into her custody from Social Services (amazing) and that the adoption agency would waive all fees if we decided to adopt. Also, a nearby church that never visited would pay for the air tickets for us to fly out and back, including the children. I could go with my pastor’s wife for six days and take care of the children in their birth home to determine if this could happen. This was all with the understanding that we may not even decide to take the children.
When I walked into the children’s home, the birth mother, social workers and the twins greeted me. Jessica looked like she’d been through a wringer twice. Jonathan, the second twin, was sitting on the couch with his father. As soon as I saw Jon, I knew that he was far more disabled than ever I imagined. He had cerebral palsy and autism!
“I can’t do this,” I thought. “Lord why would you lead me here to have me be the next one to forsake these children?” I greeted Jessica and suggested we give her a bath and get her ready for bed. She kicked and screamed, pleaded and cried. I spoke calmly with her and tried to engage her happily while still making her do what I asked. I kept a calm and happy demeanor but inside I was in turmoil.
Jessica was diagnosed with PDD, bipolar disorder, psychosis, mood disorder and ADHD. She was on Ritalin and Depokote for behavioral problems and sleep disorder. This child is easy I thought—no more medication and instead love discipline and structure. In two days Jessica was a different child. She is smart, loving and normal in every way. She has been very easy to train, is well behaved and is a delight.
Jonathan, however, was true to the evaluation. He had only recently learned to walk and the second night we were there, he ran from wall to wall in his room, crashing into it deliberately until he was bloody. He would bite his hands, poke his eyes, pound his ears and head and scream at incredible height. He did not look at us and never made eye contact. He became extremely distraught at the slightest provocation. He did not seem to understand anything I said. I wondered if he would ever be potty trained of if he would ever talk to us. After two days of letting him do “his thing”, I decided that it could no longer continue.
When he would get upset or throw things, I disciplined him, mainly by restraining him firmly. I would sing hymns. He would be so mad but eventually he would calm down and begin to rock with the music. I made him look at my eyes directly many times before letting him down and sometimes this would take over and hour. There were a few times that I spanked him and this initially made him crazy. He had never been spanked though his birth mother gave me permission to do this. I do feel, however, that the discipline was the key to our initial work with Jonathan. It has enabled him to flourish and begin the journey of making the most of his abilities.
He became a different child. It was as if someone said, “You can rest now. I love you. You have to do what I say and I will always keep the boundaries for you so you will be safe.” Within that first week, Jonathan had his last tantrums with me.
At the end of the week we brought the children home. The adoption process was underway with all involved in full agreement.
The days to follow were initially good, but after being home for a bout three weeks, things began to sink in. we had made much progress with Jonathan, but no break through in the area of speech. I became thoroughly overwhelmed. I was depressed and irritated. We had to somehow spiritually train these new children who knew nothing at all about their Creator. We were starting at ground level. Also the day-to-day things were piling up—four loads of laundry a day and tons of dishes. I felt like I was drowning.
Somewhere along the way I remembered that God had led us to this place. I had mothered two children by His grace, I could mother four (or twelve!) by His grace. My answer lay in trusting Christ. I must pray for their salvation (for after all, salvation is of God and not of flannel graphs and curriculum!). I saw that a lot of my worries and depression came out of a desire to perform this great work and have it look visibly good. When I repented of that, things began to happen.
It had been a few months of working through all this when I realized I was having a hard time bonding, feeling like the twins were mine. Amazing emotions and struggles can occur that one doesn't even expect! In the beginning I was not going to change their names because of their age. We were going to change their middle names, however, due to their being their birth parents names, etc. I did not like their first names but thought it would hurt them in some way to change them. Names mean a great deal in our family, and it is often that we end up on the subject. One day, before the finalization of the adoption, we were all sitting at the breakfast table, and our two daughters were talking about names. Jessica popped up to say that she was getting a new special “middle name” (which was going to be Jubilee). She asked about her first name and I told her that her first name came from the first home God gave her. Then our daughters chimed in asking, “Why can’t Jessica have a new SPECIAL first name too????” Jessica excitedly joined in the plea! I was thrilled. Just days before, I had sheepishly asked God about helping me not be soooo bugged by the twins’ birth names, that I did not get to name them (and other things). SO, I was pleased to tell Jessica sure… we’ll give you a new SPECIAL name because you are a Thorburn now… and in the Thorburn family all our children get special names! You can be Jubilee! (I then explained more about the meaning.) I asked her if she wanted to choose her middle name, and gave her some choices. She chose Joy… very fitting. Then Jonathan ( who cannot express what he thinks about the matter—he had not spoken at all yet at that point.) became Josiah James… because Josiah means “God is my healer” or “God is my support,” James for Rich’s father and because we were memorizing the book of James when we got the twins. They adjusted to their new names so well. Jubilee will politely correct someone if they call her “Jessica”. We have fun with it.
Recently we heard and excellent sermon that had woven the facts about the importance of names—CHANGES in the Bible, and such. I first changed their names for myself, but now I see the significance and appropriateness in this move. I have been working on special adoption books for each of the twins. One page in each is dedicated to celebrating their names with the meaning of them, and the CHALLENGE that goes with them… and how they got them, etc.
We also found some proven nutritional helps for Jonathan and began to see amazing changes in him right away.
We have found an excellent program through the A Hope And A Future program and Linda Kane, a neurodevelopmental specialist. We meet with Linda every 4 months for an evaluation and changes to the home program which we do with Josiah. This program is much more intense than the recommendations by the school districts and doctors… and has shown astounding results. It amounts to many more hours in a day than I have for this, but we do what we can do. Recently, God enabled us to hire a special lady we know to handle some of the therapy burden each week for Josiah. She is gifted and a blessing from God. In March 2000, Josiah uttered his first words that were not echolalia.
Just yesterday he said “I-Need-To-Go-Potty-Please” on his own! The sensory improvements and visual abilities, the motor awareness and control, the speech is far more than any doctor had expected was possible from this little boy.
Josiah is now such a joy. He will sit with us and laugh, playing games in his little way. He loves to learn and we love to teach him. God is using him to teach me about love and patience. There is no cookie cutter image that God uses for His glory. God is sovereign. The goal is not for Josiah to be “normal.” It is for Josiah to bring glory to the God who made him.
We are incredibly encouraged. God provides what we need each step of the way, within a Biblical framework. There is not one answer for treatment of every child. There are Biblical principles that we can all look to… amazing promises from God, and strength through Christ that can enable us to make the right decisions for our own children. God gives the grace to carry it out. He will get the glory in the end.
We have a long way to go. God has enabled us to accomplish much this year. But there are still adjustments to come. Due to the amazing trials that came with these kiddos we’ve been given a stark glimpse into our own sinful natures and desires and struggles with sins we had not thought were part of us prior to the adoption. It keeps us crying out to God and reflecting upon how faithful He is, in spite of us.
My heart is so incredibly full of love for my four precious children. They are all uniquely created.
Anna Thorburn, Petersburgh, NY
Back to Testimonies
